


Lay me down in golden dandelions

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Drinking & Talking, Fjord Has Issues (Critical Role), Gen, Heart-to-Heart, Jester Lavorre Needs a Hug, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Overthinking, POV Caduceus Clay, Past Torture, Team as Family, Teambuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-27 15:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21394381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Just a few hours ago, Nott was dead in Caleb's arms, but she's back now, so everything should be ok, right?While it's true that Caduceus knows more about the dead than he does the living, it's obvious to him that Fjord is suffering over her death more than he would ever admit out loud, and that Jester has something very painful on her mind, and well, what kind of friend would Caduceus be if he wasn't willing to lend an ear to their worries and troubles every now and then? It's the very least he could do, and well- a nice cup of warm tea would do well on a night like this, he knows.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord & Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett & Nott & Caleb Widogast & Yasha
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Lay me down in golden dandelions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notspitefulgus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notspitefulgus/gifts).

> The title is from a Barns Courtney song which I've had stuck in my head for the past few days and I thought "huh, this would really work for this fic even though it makes no sense" and now I'm realizing that a lot of my fics have titles/inspiration from Barns Courtney songs, WHOOPS-
> 
> Anyway, this fic is dedicated to the wonderful, magnificent and absolutely stunning @notspitefulgus (I haven't actually met you but I'm sure you're just the best), who said they were going through a really tough time recently and that my last fic with Caduceus helping out Fjord (Sleep is not for the Undeserving?? God, that fic feels like a lifetime ago, no joke), and said some really nice comments that made me feel really good when I was having a really shitty day, so this is just a thank you for making me feel special and loved and supported x. There's lots of tea and heart-to-heart conversations and Jester being a darling. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope everyone else does too because while it didn't turn out EXACTLY how I wanted it to, it still turned out pretty well xx

Death was something that Caduceus was very used to, so much so that his own death meant very little to him in the grand scheme of things.

Back home at the Blooming Grove, he watched dead people in various states of decay come into their home- not on their own, of course, dead people couldn’t walk, someone had to have brought them- and Caduceus would watch as his father or his mother or his aunt or his siblings would take care of them and send them on their way. When Caduceus was older, of course, that became his responsibility, and when his family left to save the woods, he’d been carrying that weight on his shoulders for a long while.

He was no stranger to death. Even when he died, all that time ago in a burst of burning flame that ate away at his flesh, he felt nothing other than the soft embrace of the Wildmother, and when she woke him he was more worried about the rest of his party, who looked a little worse for wear. Not even for a second did he think about worrying about himself, even though he was one hit away from dying again, but that’s just the way he was.

When he was swallowed by that giant worm and swung around within its jaws, he didn’t even think about the fact that he was almost suffocated to death- he wasn’t claustrophobic, he was fine to wait for help- but he was confident in his friends abilities to succeed, and really, all he had to do was take care of them and keep them on their feet. It was the least he could do.

He’d watched people die, dead people live, dead people stay dead, and he’d watched it all without a blink of the eye. But maybe it was a little different when the person who was dying was someone you were close to.

Nott was dead in Caleb’s arms, eyes open, mouth wide, still, limp, and Caduceus managed by carefully delegating supplies to Jester and counting the seconds that passed- it was under a minute, he knew it had to be- and when she woke, gasping and spluttering and blinking hard, he pumped enough healing into her to get a dead body back on its feet, but thankfully Nott was no longer dead, and that it had actually been under a minute, so it was only enough to get a now-living Nott back on her feet.

But then it was over. That was that. The dead lived again, just like before. If she had died and stayed dead, then Caduceus would have been remorseful, sure, but he would have known that there was nothing more he could do, and he would have moved on like he always did and told others to do. He wouldn’t be very good at his job if he didn’t follow his own advice. So he just took a breath and moved on, and tried to forget seeing his friend lifeless in Caleb’s arms, and tried to remind himself that she was alive and healthy and loud again.

He assumed that the reason her momentary passing was having such a lasting effect on him was because he was so close to her, they were on the same team, they slept in the same space and breathed the same air and went on the same adventures, so no wonder it was such a shock to see her lifeless at his feet. Though, maybe, he considered, it hurt much more if the person who was dead was someone you were close to and cared very much about.

For her part, Nott seemed fine. A little spooked, sure, and very apologetic, of course, but if Caduceus hadn’t been there when her soul was ripped from her body and her form was held limply in Caleb’s arms, then he wouldn’t have known she had been dead at all. She seemed fine. Maybe he needed to have a talk to her later about that, but for now, he was just content to let Caleb hold her tightly to his chest and run his fingers through her hair as if making sure it wasn’t all a dream.

But there was something else there, too. Something dark and painful in their eyes, not just Nott’s and Caleb’s, but in Jester’s and Beau’s and Fjord’s. Caduceus couldn’t understand it- death was natural, death was quick, death was easy.

Then he realized that maybe it hurt more if you had lost a loved one already.

He wasn’t there for Mollymauk’s death- of course he wasn’t, he had much more important things to do, like look after his home and brew tea and wait in his chapel for a bunch of strangers to come along and whisk him away on a grand adventure- so he didn’t even think about how they would react to another death of the original members of their party, but even Fjord and Jester, who weren’t there when Mollymauk was cut down, looked as if they’d seen a ghost. Maybe they had- the ghost of the man who they lost long ago.

Maybe they did, in fact, see a ghost. In the moment of Nott’s soul being jettisoned from her body, maybe Mollymauk returned for just a moment to bring her back home? Now, Caduceus didn’t like that idea, because he didn’t like the idea of ghosts in general, but it was a nice, comforting thought, anyhow.

They retreated back to the study- the place lined with empty and broken shelves and the floor littered in debris, but they cleared a spot on the ground on one of the intact rugs. Caduceus took the first watch just so he didn’t have to sleep, and when the rest of the party were snoring soundly after the long day, he watched Fjord slowly extract himself from the huddle of tangled limbs and scuttle quietly out of the room. He waited for a moment, then gently lifted Jester’s head off of his lap and followed him out.

Fjord was sitting near the desk, right under the stained glass window that had shattered and swallowed him whole the last time they were there, and he was so busy staring at the tiny red gem off in the comer of nowhere that he didn’t hear Caduceus approach until he was placing a heavy hand on his shoulder.

The Star Razer was in his hand with a flash of light and sound of rushing water before he even knew what happened, but thankfully, Caduceus had the foresight to take a step back, out of the distance of the blade. “Oh,” Fjord blinked once he realized it was Caduceus, and the Star Razer disappeared back into the either with the flick of his wrist and the smell of seawater. “Oh Caduceus. Shit, fuck, sorry. I didn’t know it was you. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, fine,” Caduceus smiled. “A little cleaner shaven, maybe, but no harm no foul. Just thought you could use some company. And some tea.”

“Ah- thanks Caduceus,” Fjord rubbed at the back of his neck. His hair was getting longer, and it tickled the back of his hand strangely. “But I don’t think I’m in the mood for tea tonight.”

Caduceus was already pulling out his tripod and his kettle. “That’s alright. You’re welcome to something stronger, if you like, I won’t begrudge you that. I’m going to have some tea.”

There was nothing that Fjord could do to argue that point, so he just sat back and watched Caduceus set up his tripod and light the little flame under it and steeped the tea into the slowly boiling water. Caduceus went slow, much slower than normal because he knew that Fjord felt better when he went through the motions like that. Relaxed him, made him less stressed, helped him sleep. Even now, as Caduceus watched him out of the corner of his eye, he watched Fjord’s tight shoulders drop slightly and his tense features relax into something almost peaceful. Eventually, Fjord reached into his satchel and pulled out a still-corked bottle of Fire Whisky, and he pried it open with his fingers- the sound rang through the study with a wet pop that Caduceus scrunched his nose at- and he took a long, deep gulp. The tiny points of his growing tusks clinked gently against the glass, and Caduceus had to smile.

When Fjord came up for air, the bottle had a substantial amount missing through the murky green glass and his breath smelled of alcohol- not badly, but Caduceus could notice- and he started to twirl the cork around in his fingers, his sharp nails poking into the material. “It’s been a long day.”

Humming, Caduceus began to take out his cups. He had a feeling that they would be joined by a guest, so he pulled out one extra. “It has. That is to say if it really has been a day. It might have been a few days. Could have been much longer than that. But I know what you mean.”

Fjord sighed, as deep and heavy as his drag of the whisky. “Nott died today.” 

“She did,” Caduceus agreed. “But she’s alive now. She’s lucky that we got to her in time, but that’s mostly Jester’s doing. And Caleb’s quick thinking to get her out of that room.”

“Thank god for Jester,” Fjord continued as if Caduceus hadn’t spoken. “Thank god for the fucking Traveller too. I didn’t think it was going to work... when that diamond broke, Caduceus, I thought that was the end of it. I thought she was done for. I saw the dust start to fly away and I know that you need certain things for certain rituals but... it was almost like the Traveller was there, with us. I feel like a fool for ever doubting her.”

“Eh, I think she enjoys it,” Caduceus laughed. “I think she likes proving us wrong.”

There was a spark of something bright in Fjord’s eyes then, and Caduceus couldn’t really identify it, but it looked sweet and warm and genuine. “She certainly does a lot of that, doesn’t she.” The spark left his eyes suddenly and his face went dark. “That was really hard, watching Nott lying there, unmoving in Caleb’s arms. He and Beau... well. Jester and I are the lucky ones, I say. We only had to go through that once.” He looked away, and his grip tightened on the neck of the bottle. “Did you see their faces? I thought... it was as if they were seeing Molly all over again. It was like they weren’t in here with us, but back in that field at the Glory Run Road, pulling the glave from his chest. You know?”

Even though he wasn't entirely sure, Caduceus nodded anyway and hid his confusion behind his cup while he sipped at his tea. It was cold outside Caleb’s burnt umber bubble, and the tea was a gentle comfort to warm him to his bones. “And you?” He asked when he eventually lowered the cup from his lips. “Where were you? Where you in here with us, or were you back there, in those cages?”

Fjord froze for a moment, his eyes wide and distant, before he finally said, “I don’t think I was either. I... I was drowning. Drowning and burning at the same time.” He took another swig of the bottle. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“Ah,” Caduceus didn’t, not really, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud, was he? “For what it’s worth, it could have gone a lot worse. Much, much worse.”

With raised brows, Fjord eyed him over the neck of his bottle. “How do you figure?”

Caduceus shrugged. “Nott could still be dead.”

There was a hint of a smile ghosting across Fjord’s lips and for a moment it looked like he was going to say something else, but then there was a rustling from behind them and Jester was slowly crawling out of the bubble, rubbing at her eyes and her mouth open wide in a jaw-popping yawn. “Hey guys,” she whispered as she approached. “What are you doing out here? Caduceus, aren’t you supposed to be keeping watch?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” Caduceus retorted gently, and she smiled as she leant her body weight against him, her horns cold on his chest. “I don’t think we need to keep watch, at least not here. Nothing will get us. I have a feeling that this might be the safest room in this place.”

Jester yawned again. “I trust you,” she looked up at Caduceus with a smile, looking a little goofy upside down. “I _was_ sleeping, but then my pillow walked away, and the floor was just so uncomfortable.”

Chuckling, Caduceus reached a hand down to run his fingers through his hair. “Sorry about that, but Fjord looked like he could use some company.” He held up the empty cup he had pulled out for her. “Tea?” he offered.

“Oooh,” She beamed, sitting up and extending her hands, making grabbing motions with her fingers. “Yes please.”

Fjord watched them with a small smile on his face, still clutching the neck of the whisky bottle for dear life, and didn’t even have the energy to glance away when they looked up at him. “You two are adorable.”

Caduceus blushed, while Jester giggled and fluttered her eyelashes at him. “I should hope so,” she said. “It’s been a very long day, and I’ve learnt from my mamma to always look good no matter what shit the world throws at you.” She suddenly turned sombre. “It was a really crazy day today, you guys.”

“Yes, it was,” Caduceus agreed, sipping his slowly cooling tea and feeling a little bit like a broken record.

“I mean,” she continued. “Nott died today.”

“She did.”

“It was very scary,” Jester admitted. “Thank god the Traveller was there to help us- he was with me the whole time, you know. I was worried it would be like Molly again, and we’d lose her.”

Sighing, Fjord ran a heavy hand down his face. “I know. That was... something I hope never to repeat again, or at least, any time soon. We’ve already lost Molly. We can’t lose Nott, too. Or anyone else in the group, for that matter.”

Tilting his head so his hair ran down over one shoulder like a cascading wave of pink lichen, Caduceus considered. “Well, the good thing is that Nott the Brave is not your Mollymauk Tealeaf. She’s not as brass, or as stubborn, and is more likely to be hiding off somewhere in the shadows until the time is right than she is to rush in with no plan of attack other than to kill something. It seems to me like your late Mollymauk was that sort, so it’s fine for not to have a momentary lapse in judgment. In fact, she deserves it. Other than drinking more than she should and not being the most honest at times, she very rarely has any.”

“Any lapses of judgement?” Fjord blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“Eh, you know what? I don’t really know,” Caduceus sipped his tea. “But anyway- are you alright? We’ve had a big day.”

“Oh yeah, we’re fine,” Jester interrupted, and Caduceus wasn’t all too sure that she was being honest, but he didn’t think she was in the mood to be pushed. “But what about you? You keep making sure that we’re OK, but nobody ever asks you. Are you OK?”

Caduceus smiled. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. I prefer the dead to the living sometimes, anyway. Less drama. They don’t talk as much. You know.”

Jester’s eyes crinkled up when she smiled. “You’re so silly, Caduceus. You’re so easy-going. Nothing phases you at all!”

“Nah,” Caduceus smiled. “I just don’t sweat the little stuff. Nott died, that was scary, but now she’s back, and we’ve got nothing to worry about. If she had died, then I’d be worried, and we’d have to try and get her back another way, but now everything’s ok.”

Fjord was laughing at him lightly under his breath. “I wish I had your mentality. I don’t think this is going to leave us for a long time.”

“Well,” Caduceus shrugged. “Next time, she just has to check for traps.”

That made Fjord laugh then, a deep belly chuckle that rang off the walls and around the room, and Jester had to shush him around her own laughter when she heard Beau stir inside Caleb’s cosy bubble and Nott start threatening, _‘I’ll kill you, I’ll fucking do it!’_ in her sleep. “Oh, you certainly know how to lighten the mood, Ducey,” Fjord held his belly as he tried to hold back his laughter.

Even Jester was smiling, a real, genuine smile, which was a hard thing to get from her nowadays. Caduceus continued, “But you see- we can hear her, snoring. She’s alive- more alive than any of you. She’s fine. We got through it together, and Jester and her god saved the day, and we’re all alive, and tomorrow we’ll get out of here and have to face a war.”

“Yeah,” Jester was looking at Fjord with an unreadable expression, and Fjord was looking back. “The war. And Yasha.”

“We can’t think about Yasha right now,” Caduceus interrupted. “By destroying that heart, we gave ourselves a fighting chance to get her back, and that is exactly what we’ll do. But not right now. Right now, we have to think about calming down, and getting out of here, and looking after each other until we can all get over this.

When there was no reply, Caduceus looked between Jester and Fjord, who were suspended in a moment of eye contact that even Caduceus thought was too long. He may not have been the smartest member of the Nein, but he was perceptive, and he knew when two people needed time alone. He drained his tea, put his cup away, and stood up. “Well, I’ll leave you to it.” He said as he brushed himself off.

Fjord blinked at his sudden movement and glanced towards him. “Uh- Caduceus, you don’t have to leave...”

But Caduceus shook his head anyway. “Nah, it’s all good. I came out here to give you some company, and now you’ve got Jester, who is better company than I could ever give. I should get some sleep, it’s been a long day, and I think my watch is over, anyway.”

Jester smiled up at him. “Do you want to take your tea back?”

Caduceus waved her off with an absent hand. “Nah, just leave it when you’re finished and I’ll pack it up before we get out of here. Take your time, there’s no rush. Goodnight all. I hope to see you in the morning.”

They echoed his goodbye as he turned his back on them and made his way back to the bubble. They needed some time to talk between themselves, Caduceus understood that, and he was more than happy to let them have it.

Maybe Nott did die. Maybe, they would have been irreversibly ruined in one second more. Maybe, the Mighty Nein would have lost two members instead of one. But they didn’t, and that’s all that Caduceus was willing to focus on. Besides- they had a long way ahead, and Caduceus thought it was best to focus on the present.

To the soft sounds of Jester and Fjord speaking just outside the bubble and Caleb mumbling under his breath and Beau snoring beside him and Nott muttering curses and threats in her sleep, Caduceus Clay found rest.


End file.
